It is 31 December, 2013, and this will be my final blog post.
When I first started BrainKids in January 2009, it was intended to be a public sketchbook of sorts – a space that would motivate me to be creative and to document that creation as a kind of self-discovery. Out of school for the first time since I was 4 years old, I felt the need to establish a framework within which I would be able to operate. I posted photographs, I experimented in typography, I doodled silly things and not-so-silly things, and these were always accompanied by an attempt at introspection. In fact, I even wrote (impulsive) poetry right on this WordPress rich text platform. Nothing was too insignificant to be published; I allowed everything to flow freely in hope that these fragments would eventually weave themselves into a coherent chart of the self.
In the first couple of years of art school in New York City, BrainKids continued to serve the purpose of mapping my creative memory. The documentation of my work became more professional (at least, within my abilities), and the writing about said work became more serious. I also became more selective about what would or would not go on my blog, how I could split or merge posts on the same project, and so on. I revamped my blog design a number of times. As such, the public nature of this sketchbook, the artist-blogger-persona I had inadvertently established, morphed into an endeavour that required more and more effort as the months and years passed. However, I still wasn’t ready to make that transition from blog to ‘artist portfolio.’ I didn’t know who I was, who I wanted to present myself as, and the blog was still a safe and open way of putting my artwork and writing out into the world without regretting it later, or constantly worrying that whatever I published wasn’t significant enough to constitute a part of my ‘web identity.’
As the immensity of each post swelled before me, the gap between posts grew larger and larger. I wanted to put effort into my posts, but I couldn’t find the motivation to put in the amount of effort that I wanted out of myself. Furthermore, I began establishing a group of peers and professors that I could talk to about my work. It came to a point where my work was developing so fast that to write a blog post about it almost became a kind of harping on the past, or just typing out a conversation that I’d already had with someone else. In short, blogging tired me out.
My last post was more than 4 months ago. As I’ve come to terms with myself, my goals, my art, I’ve realised that I’m ready to let go of this blog and start anew, to attempt to organise everything into a coherent whole, and to confidently and professionally present myself to the world.
Therefore, this is my only (official) New Year’s Resolution for 2014: I will create a personal website, which will serve as a portfolio of all the works and projects that I still consider valuable. It will have a proper domain name – I haven’t decided between [bernytan.com] or [bernytlm.com]. However, I do not want to call it an artist portfolio, perhaps because the word ‘artist’ has too many connotations, or because I have my finger in so many pies that to simply describe myself as an ‘artist’ seems… wrong. As such, this website will attempt to encompass every aspect of my creative being within this website, which means that it will be a mammoth project. I don’t want to pretend that I am now able to define my own identity with conviction. But I feel ready to take it on, and in order to do so, I need to leave BrainKids behind.
This blog will remain online as a record for posterity – not least because I’ve used it as an archive for the past five years. For my website, I will try my best to retain as much of the honesty and openness with which I’ve written all my posts here. Now, it’s time to say goodbye to BrainKids – it’s time to begin again.