On the self towards others
She was troubled by the failure of others to recognise her endeavours, but it never deterred her instinctive desire to put in more effort than required.
It was tacitly noted that she often cared too much about how other people saw her and too little about how she looked.
Socialising was just another chore on her to-do list; nonetheless, her loneliness depressed her.
She could never shake the sensation that someone had expectations for her to exceed.
Her inability to define herself led her to prevent all other persons from attempting that very act.
On the self towards the self
She walked around with a persistent, self-induced sense of mild hysteria.
The awareness of each time she crossed the line between rest and procrastination overwhelmed her without stopping her from doing so.
She felt that the process of rationalising would give her all the excuses she needed to explain why she struggled.
It appeared that she had affirmed her decision with just enough verbal enthusiasm to muffle her doubt.
Being able to mentally bring things to their logical conclusion made her thoroughly unprepared for unforeseen circumstances.
On the self towards art
She always resorted to self-deprecating humour in discussing her work, but in the moment of creation she had been completely serious.
She would later joke that she was the struggling artist with the money but without the genius.
Creating accessible objects out of alienating subjects became somewhat of a trend with her.
She struggled to find any difference between her own work and that artist’s, other than that they had arrived at the same point independently.
She admitted that she was never quite sure if that one ambiguous half-sentence she had forgotten to complete was the root of an amazing idea.
She had begun writing that with the conviction that it was something truly great, though she knew that she would later realise its inadequacies, or fail to finish it altogether.