5 weeks

5 weeks ago: I intended to go ahead without you to decide this was the end.

35 days have gone by since
Our last goodbye
And yet you don’t seem to care at all
That this is the longest we’ve ever gone
Without any sort of talk.

Maybe you’re relieved that you’ve been
Relieved of me
After all this time I believed in you,
Or at least in my own preconceived
Delusion that you wouldn’t leave me hanging.

Tick-tock —
The sound of me waiting
The sound of me anticipating
The sound of me breaking
under the weight of fate.

A handphone vibrates.

But I lift it only to find
That the name on the screen doesn’t echo
The one in my mind.
(I knew it all this time.)
Who am I to deny
That this is a sign for me to be resigned
To the fact that you’re not mine?

The main cause of my pain is not that
You’ve seemed to turn away.
It’s how we used to spend our days.
It’s how you used to promise you would stay
Without ever having said a word.
It’s how it’ll never be the same —
That’s what drives me insane.

5 weeks later: Have you gone ahead without me to decide that was the end?


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